FAITH
by Medeae
Summary: Hermione learns what to believe in again after the war. i don't have a beta and i haven't written in two years. this is my first fic, read, review and be kind.
1. Chapter 1

AFTER THE WAR

3 MONTHS

She is praying because all that's left in the world is her faith. Does she believe? No. But it can't hurt. It is a familiar routine that brings no harm. Amidst the endless battles and stealth missions and all the loss, this is the only peace she can get. When she isn't scrubbing Death Eater blood from off her hands, she's here and she's kneeling and she's begging, please, please, let it all end.

4 MONTHS

She notices a platinum shock of hair when she leaves now, the only other person in the church besides her. Briefly, she wonders why he even bothers, wonders why he isn't drinking himself to death with all that expensive liquor he owns. She sniffs then, and decides it's not worth her time.

6 MONTHS

This is stupid, she seethes, being in each other's presence for three hours a day and not even seeing each other's faces. She pauses at his pew as she's going off. He doesn't look up, just keeps his head bowed and hands linked together. She wants to smack his head but decides that is too undignified and reminiscent of their school days, and so she spins on her heel and walks off.

7 MONTHS

Today, she hears him collapse as he stumbles in. His usually pristine shirt is blood splattered and her first thought is that he's gotten _Sectumsempra_ -ed and she doesn't know the counter curse; there is a strangled noise in her throat as she leaps up and rushes at him, fingers fumbling at his body to find the wound. His eyelids flutter and even in such a haze, he manages a smirk, just a ghost of the famous Malfoy one, but still a smirk nonetheless. ''It's not my blood, Granger. Stop fondling me.''

9 MONTHS

This time, his eyes meet hers as she stands to leave. She wants to ask why he's here and her question must be written all over her face, or he must have been expecting it from the first, because he replies with why are you? and she cannot answer.

Her mouth is dry when she says, ''I'm a muggle. I was brought up like this. You're a pure-blood, Malfoy, what could you know of Muggle religions?''

His face is smug. ''You say that, Granger, as if you have any more right to this than I do. You're a witch, for fuck's sake. Isn't magic considered the work of the devil? Are you not tainting the very ground you walk on if you believe in this doctrine?''

''The nerve-''

''I assume then, that you can't believe, you don't believe. Neither do I, so why are we both here, Granger? Why?''

She leaves.


	2. Chapter 2

2 YEARS

"I really am trying, you know."

His eyes are flat as he looks up at her. "Maybe you should try harder."

She expected this, but her nostrils still flare in indignation. "Maybe I won't. Maybe I'm tired."

In a flash he is up on his feet – his hands circle her wrists and they are _back, back, back,_ against the wall. She can feel the heat of him against her, her arms pinned at her sides and she pushes back against him and meets his gaze. His grey eyes are still hard steel; there is no softness in this, no want, just anger and a lot of it.

"I don't think you understand how much of your shit I've put with, Granger."

" _My_ shit? You drive me up the wall every minute! _Malfoy_."

He scoffs. "Not the same kind."

Her laugh is a harsh sound in the silence. "I didn't know there were different kinds of shit."

"This isn't fucking funny!"

"It is –"

"It really fucking isn't –"

"I just don't understand why you're making such a big deal about it, it was an honest mistake – "

"That's the fucking matter, Granger! You can make mistakes and laugh them off but I can't! You think you're so much fucking better than me – "

"I do not – "

"Always fucking looking down your pretty little nose at me – "

"When have I ever – "

"Every single second of your life!"

He breaks – his eyes are molten now, burning, scorching – he steps back and lets her go but she can still feel the heat and the hate and the _pain_ and she doesn't understand.

"You think I don't know what you do? Looking through my papers, _Priori Incantatem_ on my wand, asking the fucking bartender what I've been talking about with Zabini and Nott and fucking _Leglimens_ – which, by the way, you are still terrible at, I can always feel you poking around – "

"They're just precautions, surely you must understand – "

"No, I fucking don't! You're supposed to trust me – "

"I do, but certain – "

"I'm not a bloody Death Eater anymore! I never was – "

"Well, that mark on your arm says otherwise!"

Her hands fly over her mouth. Her eyes widen; there is no going back from here. He is murderous now, posture predatory.

"If I'm not mistaken, Granger – and I shouldn't be, I was there – you have a mark on your arm too."

She sucks in a staggering breath and her fists clench so hard crescents form on her palms _. Stupefy_ , she thinks, _Avis, Tarantallegra_ , but he is anticipating her and as equally skilled at non-verbal spells; he is blocking everything she throws at him.

They are locked like this for a few moments, glaring at each other, she on the offence and he on the defence and she finally gives up and moves forward to slap his face but he catches her hand in his and shoves her away. The air is tense and she can't believe she isn't walking away, can't believe she is trying to rationalise with this ridiculous, stubborn man, thinks that if this had been happening with Ron she would have already left five minutes ago, and this snaps her out, makes her realise this is _Draco Malfoy_ , the proudest man she has ever known, and this argument is costing him, making let his guard down and bare himself to her, and so she takes a deep breath.

"I am not defined by the marks on me, Draco."

"Double standard, then. I shouldn't be, either, and yet here you are."

She gets it then, realisation settling in the pit of her stomach, cold and heavy. She wonders why he has been the only person to have ever been able to make her speechless.

"I'm sorry."

He doesn't say anything, just looks weary and distant and _broken_ , and she reaches out for him but he Apparates away and she is left clutching at air.

2 YEARS, 1 DAY

The bedroom door opens and the familiar smell of mint and soap wafts in. She keeps her eyes shut and stays on her side, trembling, and she hopes he can't see the trail of tears down her face from this angle. The bed shifts – he crawls in behind her and she can feel his breath on her neck. He drapes an arm around her and buries his face in her hair.

"I know you're awake."

She refuses to answer, keeps her face turned away from him."

"If you had just asked, Granger, I would've let you look at anything you wanted. Told you anything you wanted."

She starts to shake, sobs racking her shoulders and he clutches her tighter.

"I am not defined by the marks on me, Hermione."

She turns around then, amber eyes meeting slate ones in the dark, both shining in the moonlight. She tries to speak but her throat is choked and all that come out is a heaving gasp.

"I know," he says, and she falls asleep like this, head cradled against his chest and body in his arms and all the while she is thinking that maybe she needs to put more faith in this strange, shifting man and that maybe she is the one that doesn't deserve him, not the other way around.


	3. Chapter 3

9 MONTHS, 1 DAY

He looks so _thin_ , like a starving sparrow. She bites the inside of her cheek until she tastes blood, considers. _What the hell_ , she thinks, and walks right up to his kneeling form.

"Fancy a spot of dinner?"

There is no response.

"Hello? I'm talking to you."

Silence,

"I'm just going to stand here until you answer me."

Nothing.

"Malfoy malfoy _malfoy_ malfoy malfoy _malfoy_ malf – "

"Bollocks, Granger, shut up!"

She thinks she detects a flicker of amusement behind that scowl.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to interrupt prayer? It's sacred."

"You weren't _praying_."

"Yeah? How do you know?"

"You just said yesterday you didn't believe. How can you pray to something you don't believe in? Someone. Whichever."

His smile is sharp, cutting through the dim lighting. "Why do you have to believe in something – someone – in order to pray?"

"What? That question doesn't even make any sense!" She is frazzled now, nerves on edge, heart pumping and blood rushing.

"Praying is just talking, Granger. I could talk to my owl and call it that. Think about it. What's the difference? That _something_ out there doesn't talk back, and neither can my owl. Same thing, really."

"It's a higher power, Malfoy. It doesn't have to talk back."

"Why not? I'm _Malfoy_. Draco _Malfoy_."

She rolls her eyes and doesn't know whether to be exasperated or amused. She decides on a mix of both and gives him a half smile.

"So, dinner."

He smirks at her. "Pass."

"What? Why?"

"I don't particularly feel like eating."

"Coffee, then."

"Don't want to ruin my sleep."

"You don't look like you sleep."

His eyes flash. "So you know everything about me, do you?"

"Well, I know that you look like you're going to fade away at any moment!"

"And? You're concerned?"

"Of course I am!"

The air between them crackles. She lays a hand on his arm; he grimaces and flinches away and her face stiffens. "I know what this is about."

"Huh? Granger, what are you babbling on about now?"

"It's because I'm a – I'm a –"

"A bossy prick? An insufferable know-it-all? What?"

"It's because I'm a Mudblood!"

"What the f – "

"You'll come to church and debate with me about belief and God but _of course_ you won't go out with me, why would you, how could you _deign_ to let others see you with me, I'm so lowly after all, I'm beneath you, I'm _filth_ y, yeah, and what if we eat and my _saliva_ gets into your food, then you'll be tainted too, I get it!"

She stomps off.

"Don't walk away from me, Granger!"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

She feels the _Immobulus_ washing over her body, hears him making his way in front of her. His pace is slow and measured but his breathing uneven – his eyes are cold and his lips pressed into thin lines.

"Perhaps you aren't the brightest witch of our time, after all."

She hopes that looks can kill.

"I don't think you can cast non-verbal spells in this state, do you? Stop screaming at me in that frizzy little head of yours, Granger, and listen to me."

She imagines pushing him off a cliff.

"Life must be so peachy for you now. The Dark Lord gone, all cosy with Potter and Weasley in that fucking dump, warm meals every night. Do you know what it's like for me? Oh, I know you're all broken. I know you'll all never be the same. But me? The war isn't fucking over for me yet, Granger."

She tries to roll her eyes.

"Everywhere I go, Granger, people try to hex me. Do you know how many _Crucios_ I've had to block? It doesn't matter that I didn't kill Dumbledore, or that I didn't identify you, or that my mother lied for Potter – our name is tainted in the wizarding world and killing us would be considered a public service! I walk around to show that I don't care, but I do! My parents don't leave the house! I lived my life in fear everyday under Voldermort's rule – now I do the same, and you're supposed to be the good guys. Then you come in here with your nose all up in the air and accuse me of being the little _shit_ I was last time!"

His cheeks have flared red and his eyes are wild and ruined.

" _Finite Incantatem_. Leave if you want."

She doesn't leave.

9 MONTHS, 2 DAYS

"Fancy a spot of dinner?"

She extends her arm, holds out a container. He sees some rectangles of rice with meat on top inside. She thinks his fingers tremble as he takes it.

"You cooked for me?"

"Well… yeah. It's sushi, if you didn't know. I mean, you've probably never eaten it before, I don't know if house elves know how to make it and I thought that if I bought some and you didn't want them it'd be a waste of money so I made some using my mom's recipe and they're really good, you should try some… yeah."

He opens the container and it makes an awkward _crack_. He takes a salmon one out and puts in into his mouth tentatively and chews, swallows, doesn't say anything, just takes another and proffers the container to her. Is this his way of saying thanks? She grins a little, takes the tuna. They eat in silence.


	4. Chapter 4

3 MONTHS

''Ron, stop.''

He blinks at her, eyes hazy with confusion and... something else. She chews on the inside of her cheek.

''I don't think we should go any further.''

His face darkens. In the thick silence, she is suddenly all too aware of the hard thickness at her stomach and she winces at the discomfort.

''I just don't think now's the right time.''

He hasn't gotten off her and his body weight is getting oppressive. His breath is damp above her and it's making the room hotter than it already is.

''Ron?''

He rolls away, finally, and she inhales a sharp breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. She sits up.

''Ron?''

There is a pulse throbbing in his temple and his jaw is clenched. His fingers fist into the bed sheet. He starts shouting as she'd known he inevitably would - his voice is shrill and grating and saying all the things she expected him to say, _you've led me on, Hermione, what's a guy to do, how many cold showers do you expect me to take, it's not fair to me_.

''I just wasn't ready, Ronald, and I'm sorry.''

''Maybe you should have thought of that before letting me take my shirt off and get on top of you!''

''How am I supposed to know if I'm ready or not if I don't try to see if I am?''

''It's been three months of dating! I'd like to think you're ready! I have needs and you should consider that!''

Her head is pounding and her jaw slackens. ''You're saying I should give you... sex? Just because you need it? Want it?''

''Well, Lavender did! And I didn't even have to ask her!''

She is gone in a whirlwind of curls and the door slams so hard behind her a crack runs down the middle.

3 MONTHS, a while later

Ginny finds her at her parents' house, sobbing in her bed. She doesn't say anything, just crawls in next to her and rubs her back in slow, soothing circles.

''Sorry I'm such a mess, Ginny.''

''Oh, shush. I asked Ronald what happened, and he was so indignant about it too! I hexed him for you, by the way. Bat-Bogey Hex. An extra mean one.''

They giggle a little. A lot.

''Ginny?''

''Yes?''

''I don't think I love your brother. Not in that way. I don't even think I see him like that.''

There is a pause, then, ''I know.''

''Are you angry?''

''No!'' Ginny pulls her upright, looks her straight in the eyes. ''I want you to be happy. I can't get angry with you for that.''

Hermione sighs, and a choked sob escapes. ''Thank you.''

''Besides, no one is entitled to sex. Unless... they've been a very good boy... Did you know Harry can do this thing where he -''

''Ew, Ginny! Too much info!''

A pillow fight ensues.


	5. Chapter 5

1 YEAR, 3 DAYS

"Hermione!"

He throws up a shield charm in front of her - his _Protego_ ripping out from his throat – then he flings himself at her and knocks her to the ground just as the _Crucio_ shatters away.

 _Never again. Never again_.

For a moment she is paralysed beneath him, eyes wide and lips parted, then she raises her wand, yells out, " _Stupefy_!" and he whirls around to find the Death Eater she hit slumping to the ground. He rolls off of her, goes to check if the man is truly unconscious. He is, and Draco heaves a sigh.

"Was he the last one, do you think?"

" _Homenum Revello_."

A whoosh – then, nothing, and she smiles a little. "Yeah, I think we're done. Time to go, yeah?"

He levitates the bodies and makes sure every one of them is touching a rickety old table he is sure is about to collapse at any second. He places his palms on it and so does she. A sharp _Portus_ , and the house is empty.

The stench is almost oppressive, and it smells exactly like it did during his own stay here. Azkaban. _Do not pass go, just hand over your soul_.

The guard grins. "More then, Malfoy?"

Draco glares. " _Miste_ r Mafloy."

The guard falters a little. "Sorry."

Hermione draws herself up to her full height with steel in her eyes, amber flashing in the dim lighting. "Do _not_ hurt them. I will know if you do. There will be no repeat of last time. Is this understood?"

The guard can't even look up anymore. He nods.

"Twenty?!"

She winces. Harry always did yell too loud.

"How could there have been twenty?!"

Draco crosses his legs. His voice is almost bored as he speaks, but she can hear the underlying tension. "Your information was wrong, Potter. That's how there could have been twenty. Either we were set up or there's someone on the inside. Take your pick."

"There's no way my information could be unreliable! And everyone on my team is extremely loyal – "

Draco laughs, an acerbic one. "Sort it out, Potter. I can't do everything for you."

"It's not his fault, Malfoy. Maybe one of them overheard me when I was mumbling to myself, you know how I always do that, or maybe their plans changed and it was a coincidence - " Her voice is halting.

"Bullshit, Granger, you know it's bullshit. There are no such things as coincidences in war."

His eyes burn. He could have held the sun in them.

"You should get some rest," he says, all brusque and abrupt. "We can talk about this in the morning."

They all get up, chairs scraping against the floor. Harry crosses over to her side of the desk, arms outstretched, and envelops her in a hug.

"I am so, so sorry, Hermione. So sorry."

She rests her chin on his shoulder. "I know. It's okay."

She _Apparates_ into her living room with a loud _pop_ , then starts as someone does the same a second later, appearing silently just a few inches away.

 _Lumos,_ she thinks, and the whole flat blazes with sudden light. She is about to _Petrify_ the person when she realises who it is.

"Malfoy? What are you doing here?"

"What's your favourite colour?"

"Wha – "

He starts to raise his wand. " _What is it_?"

"Dammit, Malfoy, it's a rainbow, you know it is!"

A pause, then, "So it is."

She throws her hands up in the air, brushes past him to hang her coat up. "Are you nuts? Are you suddenly overcome with the need to get me a present?"

The muscle in his jaw clenches. "I'm starting to think you _want_ to get killed."

"What?"

"First you don't let _Potter,_ our _best_ Auror, send you home after _twenty_ people have attacked us. Then I wait _thirty minutes for_ you to get home but you didn't so I appear in front of you, in _your_ house, in the _dark_ , and you don't even think to check if I really am Malfoy!"

She cocks her head at him. The man did have a point.

"Well, of course I knew it was you. No one else has such a dick… aura."

"Dick aura?"

"Yeah."

He eyes her warily. "Regardless of my aura, I would prefer it if you checked next time."

She breathes out slowly. She really had been very careless. She rubs her temples. "I will. Sorry."

He is unsure then, feet shuffling. "I'd best be going then."

"Right."

He starts to turn and then she remembers something. "Wait."

"What?" He scowls.

"How did you know I wasn't home yet?"

His face pales and he is almost the colour of his hair. "I put up wards to alert me whenever you leave or come back."

She has to rub her temples again. "Why, exactly?"

"Well, as tonight has clearly proved – not that it wasn't evident before – you have _no_ sense of self preservation."

"So you're what? Taking care of me?" She grits her teeth. "Think I need your protection, do you, Malfoy?"

"No, I think you need someone to watch out for you when you're not doing it for yourself!"

Her ears start buzzing. "Take the wards off."

"No."

"Fine. I'll do it myself then!"

He scoffs. "You can't. Only the one who cast them can."

"Don't be such a prick, Malfoy! I am not some damsel in distress in need of any rescuing, least of all by you!"

"I'm not saying you do! I'm saying that it can't hurt to have someone watching your back!"

The silence is a great roar between them. After a few moments, she asks, tentatively, "So, you're just being concerned about me? This isn't to feed your already overinflated ego?"

"I'm not concerned."

"Oh. Then – "

"It's just that finding another partner would be too much of a hassle." He smirks, just a little, then he meets her eyes and she laughs. "Nice to know I'm so indispensable."

"Whatever, Granger."

He starts to shuffle his feet again. "I guess I should go now."

Before she can stop herself, she says, "No, wait!" and then curses silently. Why did she do that?

He cocks an eyebrow at her. "What is it now? Are you going to start questioning my motives again? I'm too tired for another – "

"I just wondered if you'd teach me how to Apparate silently."

"Now? Fuck, Granger, it's three in the morning – "

"No, tomorrow. Over dinner." The words leave her in a rush and she sees his whole body tense.

"Dinner? You and me, outside?"

She laughs nervously. "Yeah, I mean, no pressure, I understand if you have plans, I could probably read a book or something and find out – "

"Dinner where?" He flexes his fingers at his side.

"Well, um, I'm not sure?"

He seems to be turning something over in his mind for a few moments, and then he says, "Sushi."

"Oh. Do you know any good places, then?"

He rolls his eyes at her. "Make it, Granger. Like last time."

 _Like last time_. Her face flames. "I guess I could do that?"

"You guess? Or you will? You don't sound very sure, Granger, is this a plot to poison me?"

At once, she is indignant, and she opens her mouth furiously before she realises that he's laughing at her quietly. She squeezes her eyes shut. "Just be here at seven."

"Alright," he says, and when she opens her eyes again, he is gone.


	6. Chapter 6

5 YEARS

"Have you ever wondered what life would be like if all this hadn't happened?" she says, fingers idly tracing circles on his bare chest.

"If what hadn't happened?"

"This." She flings an arm out. "You and me. The world. The war."

He laughs, a cutting sound. "Oh, I don't have to wonder. I know what it'd be like."

She waits but he doesn't continue, and she prods him hard. "Well?"

"Well," he says, brow arched, "I'd definitely not be lying here getting manhandled by you, for starters."

"Be _serious._ "

"Always serious with you, Granger."

"Come on."

"Okay, okay. I guess I wouldn't be doing much of anything, really. I'd be a prat, of course. A full-time prat. I'd just spend all my money on nonsense – "

"You already spend it on nonsense."

"I spend it on you!"

"Oh, please, what a pathetic thing to say! Honestly, Malfoy, I thought you were wittier than this – "

He has her pinned now, body settling on top of her, arms braced on either side of her head. "So it's Malfoy now, is it?"

She rolls her eyes. "You _always_ call me Granger."

"Not always," he drawls, smirking down at her.

"Shut up," she groans, but the corner of her mouth twitches upwards.

"Make me."

She narrows her eyes up at him. "That is the most childish thing I've ever heard from you."

"I'm really outdoing myself, today, aren't I? Do I get an Exceeds Expectations?"

"No."

"Really?" he asks, and then his head is lowered and his tongue is doing that _delicious_ thing to her neck, right _there_ , just above her collarbone and _oh, Merlin_ -

"That's not fair," she gasps. "I'm annoyed at you. Don't play dirty."

She can feel his low laughter rumbling against her throat. He lifts his head up just enough for his teeth to graze her earlobe, and her breath hitches. "I can play even dirtier."

His hips push into hers as his tongue swirls and she can't help it – she lets out a wanton moan and his laughter is delighted and she is just about to say something snarky when his lips are on hers and she forgets everything she was about to say and her mind is blank and she tastes mint and coffee and warmth and lemonade and Malfoy and his tongue is stroking hers so agonisingly slowly, she wants more, she _needs_ more, and her hands trail down to his hips and she pulls him down harder and pushes up against him and he groans deep in his throat and it's not slow anymore, it's a wildfire _burn_ , and she is _giving_ and she is _taking_ and it isn't _enough_ , so she tries to tug his boxers down, but his hand stops her and she blinks up at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

He wriggles his brows at her. "Playing dirty," he says, and then he pulls her pajama bottoms off in one swift, fluid motion. "Maybe you should try wearing one of those negligees I got you to bed some time. Or nothing. Nothing's good."

"Nothing's _cold_."

"I could warm you up," he smirks, then his lips are on her thighs and he's kissing his way up and his hands are palming her breasts and then his mouth is there and her hands are buried in his hair and pushing his face down and all the while she is moaning, mouth open and eyes shut as his tongue circles and dips and licks and his finger flicks over her right nipple just like _that_ , and she cries out, _please, just a bit more_ , and he lifts his head. She whimpers.

"Draco. _Please_."

He slides a finger inside her, slowly, and then another, and another, moving them in a circular motion, all the while leaving his thumb on her clit and any second now, she is going to come undone, she can feel it, so close, and she can see his pupils dilate and his tongue flick out to lick his swollen lips and she flies over the edge, coming undone around him, _Draco, Draco, Draco_ , and it seems like an eternity before her eyes focus again. He's grinning, looking a little too smug for her taste.

"Well. Still annoyed, Granger?"

"A little," she says, and it is her turn to get on top of him, legs straddling his waist and nails digging into his skin and her teeth are tearing at his neck and he is growling in her ear and trying to turn them over so that he's on top but she pins his hands down and he writhes under her as she sucks at the hollow of his throat. She moves her lips up then, and they crash into his, bruised and swollen and desperate and _hungry_ and she grinds into him and he's so _hard_ and she's so _wet_ and they're both so _ready_ and the sounds he's making are starting to sound _dangerous_ and she tugs his boxers down and this time he lets her and she laughs out loud triumphantly against his mouth but then he angles his hips up and his hand guides him in as she eases her way down and oh, _fuck,_ she's not annoyed anymore, and his hands are on her hips and her hands are on his chest and they are moving and _fuck, fuck, fuck_ and he shifts his hand between them so that her clit is hitting his thumb with every thrust, fuck, so she leans forward and their tongues twist and their breathing is heavy and they're slick with sweat and the air is musky with _sex_. She scratches her nails down his chest and he growls and she feels a pull deep inside and all the while they are thrusting, thrusting, and the pressure is starting to build up again and she feel so full, so stretched, so alive, just a tiny bit more –

"Hermione," he whispers and his neck muscles are tensed up but his eyes are clear as he gazes at her and they're so soft and she breaks, once again screaming his name over and over again, and she can feel him come undone too, body tensing then shaking.

She slumps on top of him, too exhausted to move, kissing his jaw.

"Do I get an Exceeds Expectations?"

"Merlin, Draco. I did most of the work."

He laughs softly, palm rubbing circles on her back. "That you did, love. That you did."

She is silent for a bit, then she says, "Hey, I thought of something. I won't have to use that contraceptive spell again."

"What is it?"

"Avada Spermdavra."

A pause. "What?"

"Avada Spermdavra."

"Granger, I fucking swear – "

She giggles. "Funny, isn't it?"

" _God_."

Just as she's drifting off, she hears him say, "If you say that while we're shagging, Granger, so help me – "

She smiles, curls up tighter against him, and lets herself fall asleep.


End file.
